November is Financial Literacy Month in Canada, and this year’s theme, “Talk Money,” encourages Canadians to have open, judgment-free conversations about money. To mark the month, our Licensed Insolvency Trustees are sharing a four-part series every Friday on the money conversations that can feel the hardest to start. First up: talking to your partner about debt.

Money is one of the most difficult topics for couples to discuss, especially when debt is involved. In a survey of Canadians, 58 percent said they view financial infidelity, such as hiding purchases or debt, as just as serious as cheating. That’s a lot of pressure to carry, whether you’re the one holding back or the one who has just found out.

The good news is that one honest conversation can take a lot of that weight off. At Crowe MacKay & Company, we’ve seen how much lighter people feel once they put their debt in the open and no longer face it alone. This guide covers how to prepare, what to say, and what to do next.

1. Debt Grows Faster When It Stays Hidden

Debt rarely stays the same size. Interest builds, minimum payments get harder to meet, and new borrowing often fills the gaps. Keeping it hidden doesn’t protect your relationship either, because the stress tends to show up anyway.

2. Two Heads Are Better Than One

When you face debt together, you can make decisions as a team, see the full picture of your household finances, and share the pressure instead of carrying it alone.

3. Feeling Nervous Is Normal

Many people put this conversation off for months, sometimes years. If you feel anxious, that’s completely natural. It means the conversation matters to you.

1. Get a Clear Picture of What You Owe

Before you sit down together, make a simple list of each debt, including:

• Who the debt is owed to
• The current balance
• The minimum monthly payment
• The interest rate

Having the facts in front of you keeps the conversation focused and helps your partner understand the situation quickly.

2. Think About What You Want From the Conversation

Do you want support, help building a plan, or simply to be honest about something you’ve been carrying? Knowing your goal makes it easier to explain what you need.

3. Pick the Right Time and Place

Choose a private, unrushed moment. Avoid raising it during an argument, late at night, or right before a family event or holiday gathering.

4. Expect Feelings on Both Sides

Your partner may feel surprised, worried, or even hurt at first. Give them time to process it. The first conversation doesn’t need to solve everything.

1. Keep Your Opening Simple and Honest

You don’t need a perfect speech. A simple, honest opening is often the best place to start, such as:

• “There’s something about our finances I need to talk to you about, and I’d like us to work through it together.”
• “I’ve been worried about some debt I have, and I don’t want to keep it to myself anymore.”

These are examples; be natural and honest about it in your own way. 

2. Talk About the Plan, Not the Blame

Focus on the facts and what you can do next; how the debt happened matters less than how you’ll handle it from here.

3. Make Room for Both Sides

Listen as much as you talk. Your partner may have questions, concerns, or worries about money.

4. Leave With One Clear Next Step

Agree on something small and practical, such as reviewing your statements together this weekend or setting a date to check in again.

5. It’s Okay to Take a Break

If emotions run high, it’s fine to pause and come back to the conversation another day. Progress matters more than getting everything sorted in one sitting.

1. Pause Before You Respond

Hearing about a partner’s debt can be a shock. Take a breath before reacting. Remember that telling you took courage.

2. Ask to Understand, Not to Judge

Questions like “How much is it?” and “What are the payments each month?” help you see the full picture. Blame-focused questions tend to shut down the conversation.

3. Tackle the Problem as a Team

Try to separate the person from the problem. The debt is something you can work on together. Our 12 personal finance tips and our guide to understanding and rebuilding credit are good places to start planning together.

If the debt was kept from you for some time, it’s normal to feel hurt. Finding out about hidden debt can affect trust, but many couples work through it, especially once everything is out in the open and there’s a plan in place.

This is one of the most common questions couples ask. In most cases, the answer depends on whose name is on the debt:

• Debts in your partner’s name only: generally, you are not responsible for paying them.
• Joint debts and co-signed loans: both people are responsible. If one person stops paying, the lender can ask the other to pay the full amount.
• Joint account holders vs authorized users: if you’re a joint account holder on a credit card, you share responsibility for the balance. If you’re only an authorized user, the primary cardholder is usually responsible for the debt.
• If one partner files a consumer proposal or bankruptcy: these are individual processes, so your partner’s filing won’t automatically affect you. However, if you co-signed or guaranteed any of their debts, the creditor may look to you for payment. Couples with shared debts can also file a joint consumer proposal. You can learn more in our guide to bankruptcy or consumer proposal vs bankruptcy articles.

Talking about debt is an important first step, but sometimes debt is more than a budget can fix. It may be time to get professional advice if:

• You can only make minimum payments, and balances aren’t going down
• You’re using credit cards or loans to cover groceries, rent, or bills
• Collection agencies are calling or sending letters
• You’ve missed payments or are falling behind on bills
• You’re borrowing from one source to pay another
• Money stress is affecting your relationship, sleep, or health

A Licensed Insolvency Trustee can meet with you as a couple or individually, whichever feels right. We’ll review your situation, explain your options, and help you choose the best path forward.
Your first consultation is free, confidential, and obligation-free. If you’re worried about privacy, our article on who knows about your bankruptcy explains what stays confidential.

Starting the conversation is often the hardest part, and by reading this, you’ve already begun. Whether you’re the one sharing or the one listening, facing debt together can bring relief, clarity, and a plan you both believe in.

Next Friday, our Talk Money series continues with What to Say When a Collection Agency Calls.

If you’d like support, our Licensed Insolvency Trustees in British Columbia and Alberta are here to help. Contact us today for a free, confidential consultation and take the first step toward a fresh start, together.